Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I wish i was in the wii world.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
