so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
