the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
