People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
