1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
