I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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