dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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