So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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