Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
