On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
