Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
