I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
