Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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