can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
