Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
