i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
