I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
