she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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