The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
