You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So many bounce houses so little time
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
