He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
