atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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