im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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