cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
