we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
