I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
