Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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