The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
