It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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