Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
