its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
