i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
