i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
