I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
