so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize
