I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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