dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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