If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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