My brain says no but my pants say off.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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