Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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