My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
