I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
