I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
