is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
