We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
