How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
