Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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