either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
