its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
