A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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