Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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