your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
