No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
