so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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