dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
