I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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