girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
