she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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