I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
